My name is Lauren and I graduated from The Christ college of nursing in 2014 and I’ve taken the NCLEX 3 times. When I first failed after graduation, I remember thinking “yeah I knew that was coming.” And then I tried again and failed again. Then for some reason I convinced myself that I should have known I couldn’t do this and I’m not smart like everyone has always told me in school, and I’m only good at playing sports. So, I found a new path, I started teaching soccer and then got a job with my cousins flooring company. Along the way I remembered how much I wanted to be a nurse and how hard I freaking worked to get that degree in the first place! So, I got a job as a PCA. Got back some confidence surrounded myself with good positive supportive people and tried the test again. I failed for the third time but told myself I would never ever give up again. I kept the momentum going and decided to take your 4-day class, then started the 6 weeks. When I first walked into class, I had this rush of oh gosh, what if I’m just a failure? And no matter how hard I work, I’m just not meant to pass this test because my brain has already gone as far as it will go? I do that a lot, I doubt myself, I talk down to myself. But I also know mama didn’t raise a quitter and I’ve made it this far by pushing myself as hard as I can always and finding joy in showing myself that I FREAKING CAN DO IT! I’ve already gained back a lot of confidence from this class and I’m ready to show myself I can do this too and succeed! I just need to put myself first, study more, and make the time to turn everything off and not feel like I owe anyone an explanation for why I’m taking this time for me!
This weekend was full of ups and downs with questions. When I leave your class, I feel like a genius! I’m so confident and I’m like yes! I know this, there is no way I can fail! And then I get to Uworld and I SECOND GUESS MYSELF! It’s like the computer screen comes up and deer in headlights lol.
I’ve been trying to envision myself as an RN, like no doubt at the end of this class the badge is waiting for me. When I talk to people I say, “when I pass this test” instead of “if” and it has been helping. I know I need to start doing more questions, so yesterday I did 70. When I do the questions, I write down things I don’t know so I can remember them, and I really read the rationale and try to let it sink in so moving forward I can do better on those type of questions. I also need to read the book more. I love reading but I cannot stand reading to learn. But, I need to use all the tools in front of me!
More than anything I need to work on my confidence. It blows my mind that I can be so sure of myself and so confident in every other aspect of my life but when it comes to this, I’m so timid and unsure. It feels like I’m looking in the mirror at a person I don’t recognize at all. I have to change that! But in all honesty, I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve taught me so far! I’ve never had a good experience with teachers, they always kind of looked at me like they knew I just wasn’t a smart person and I felt that when they would talk to me. But I know you have confidence in me, and that alone has made such a difference and I know I can succeed.
I did some questions this week, but not the amount I should have. I couldn’t focus that well with other things going on. I think I needed some time to get some balance and start back up.
I also am realizing that this test is about to be coming up and I’m about to be a nurse. I think I’m more afraid of being confident than I am of failing. I don’t know how that even makes sense, but I feel myself seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and then I freak out like wait what is this?! Why are you so confident it’s going to happen?! But I feel it when I answer questions. The fear of the question is gone. I know how to breathe and work through it. And the knowledge I have now is INSANE! I never thought I would be where I am right now. But there is something still nagging at me in the pit of my stomach. I’ve never succeeded like this before and for some reason that scares me. I’ve walked away from past thinking and experiences, and I’m not letting it get me down anymore. I’ve worked too hard!
I read your email from last week maybe 100 times and I didn’t even have the words to say. I was in shock, and still am. It was very positive. This past weekend was hard with moving into my apartment and then driving to Tennessee to get my furniture. But I knew once it was all done, I would have a quiet place to really sit and focus on the questions and learning. I know I did not hit my question numbers this weekend, but I wouldn’t have retained a damn thing with how tired I was. So, these next two weeks I’ll be trying to do 100 a day. Last night I sat down opened my computer and told myself all my knowledge didn’t go away in two days. I can do this; my brain is clear and I’m ready to focus and I did.
I think my nerves are starting to set in a little more now that it’s getting closer, and I feel like I could cry. Idk if it’s fear or excitement at this point lol it’s all a huge blur. But I feel more confident and ready to be a nurse and get this all behind me. I just keep trying to stay positive, so I don’t go back into that negative mindset. I never realized how much the way you speak to yourself and what you think of yourself could make such a huge impact the way it does. But everyday I’m trying to be more kind to myself and forgiving and letting things go and looking forward.
This week is starting out rough. I haven’t felt good the last two days. I don’t want to stop moving forward. There is a huge part of me that is just ready to get this test over with! My car’s transmission is going out, so I need to get a new car lol everything always happens at once and it’s frustrating but I’m not going to worry about it until after the test. I just don’t want to study anymore ha-ha. This always happens, I get burnt out and I don’t want to lol but I’m not giving up on myself and I’m trying really hard not to think negative. I have a few times, but I’ve tried to pull myself out of it! It’s just getting harder the closer it gets and the more questions I get on things I don’t remember. But I’m trying my best I really am. And I’ve been pushing through the sickness and have my first 50 almost done and need to do my next 50 after I try and eat. I don’t want to give up when it’s this close.
After passing the NCLEX
May 2014, Mother’s Day weekend I graduated from nursing school! One more step and I was going to be a nurse. Then my whole world exploded right before my NCLEX. FAIL. Then FAIL a second time. 9 years later I decided I couldn’t give up on myself and walk away from my dream any longer. My friend Kayla signed me up to take it again, FAIL. But this time I was calm because I knew I tried! And I was going to keep trying. I knew I was going to need help to get me there and that’s when my friends at work told me about Nick Thomas and CodeBreaker. I took his 4-week class and knew that if anyone could help me it was him. He told me about his 6-week program and I took it without any hesitation! I knew I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself at all when it came to how smart I was, but he saw that and he was determined to change it. Slowly over the 6 weeks I started to see that I was smart and if I just put in the work I could doit! I had low moments throughout the journey but nowhere near what they used to be, and Nick was right there to pick me back up! He taught me how to be a GREAT nurse in 6 weeks, he taught me how to be a CONFIDENT nurse in 6 weeks, he changed my life in those 6 weeks, and I will never be able to thank Nick enough. He believed in me, and that made me believe in myself. I’m a REGISTERED NURSE!